Bravery in Walking Away; Strength in Staying

Do you believe in signs?

When I was in Junior High School I always asked God for one through my daily prayers.

On deciding what food i’d eat that day I’d ask for weird signs like someone calling me by my middle name. If someone did then i’d eat the one I wasn’t sure about ordering - something new.

I would even ask for one whenever i was deciding about my dating life. Back then in high school I recall being in a very confusing situation with a guy so I asked God for a sign. That if it rained that day, then that was it. That was the answer to all the what ifs I was thinking.

It was really sunny, there were no indications of a bad weather occurring so I assumed it wouldn’t. Actually, I was very confident it wouldn’t.

But in the middle of my training - even when the sun was shining bright, the rain poured. That same day, the guy made amends with me and I thought,

“This is it! Things will finally turn out right for me. This is my sign, my answered prayer.”

Sadly, It turned out to be quite the opposite, a disaster in fact. Things never changed and one little lie led to another until we couldn’t tell anymore if what we had was even real.

We were young, we only knew Love for what we thought it was and what we think it should have been.

And so I gave it some thought. Maybe the rain was just a coincidence. Maybe I didn’t even need to pray on it because I had the answers all along.

https://pin.it/3OFvoXd

God moves silently.

Even if you don’t pray for all these weird signs, he gives them to you everyday. And they don’t all come in rains, seeing something unusual like a purple umbrella or hearing someone call you by your middle name.

Sometimes, they come directly - as people hurting you, as situations changing you or even straightforward as words telling you.

Maybe, when everything in your life is falling apart, it might just be because they’re all falling into place. Into where they should be. Into where they should have been in the first place.

Maybe my sign from God wasn’t the rain falling. Maybe all along It was the tears that poured like it.

But even as God laid out all of the answers right in front of me, I didn’t take the action I should have because I refused to believe the truth. The truth that the situation was taking more than it should have been giving.

It wasn’t because I didn’t understand, it’s because I didn’t want to. I was afraid to face it all on my own. I was stuck there convincing myself that maybe one thing could mean another - when sometimes, it is what it is. What you see is what you get.

That one plus one is two, what pairs with a fork is spoon and that they left because they had to. (Char)

The truth is, we always tend to believe what satisfies us most - even if it’s a sheltering lie. Like they always say, the truth hurts.

And who would choose that road? It’s always easier to play pretend, to lock yourself up in a world where everything seems okay rather than facing the harsh reality that things aren’t. That it hurts you.

There is bravery in walking away just as much as there is strength in staying.

You have to know which one you have to take, you cannot stay in between. You cannot be in two places at once. That’s where you are torn in half.

That’s where I was torn in half.

I misread and misinterpreted all the signs that were given to me and that lead me to a lot of sleepless nights wondering what really was. When deep down, I already knew what is.

So if there’s anything I want to bid everyone of my readers who’s currently going through something similar, it’s this.

May you see things for what they really are, accept things for what is and be ready for what will be.

May you never again turn a blind eye for the sake of saving others.

You deserve to be free from the things that keep you up at night, more truth than lies, more love than good byes.

Yours, Yna.